Q&A: ‘Ask Becca’ (4/3)
How do I have sex here when I feel shy and awkward about how small the school is?
Dear “Say It Louder for the People in the Back,”
You are not alone. New College is such a small community, and it can be hard out here for those of us desiring some action while not interested in engaging in the “New College Sex Web.” Casual sex at New College can be messy, unfulfilling and awkward given how often you’d realistically bump into these people around campus. If you’re someone who is very cool, casual and collected around your previous hookups, hey that’s so great! If you’re someone who is prone to jealousy or likes to keep their casual sex buds out of their routine life, it can get tricky at New.
My first piece of advice is to think of your ideal sexual partner. Whether you’re looking for a relationship or a casual sex buddy, it’s important to visualize and call in the kind of feelings and person you want to be engaged with. For example, does political orientation matter to you? A particular style or aesthetic? A particular sense of humor? Yes, sometimes sex is sex—but good sex requires active and effective communication, and a connection between two people. Do not settle for anything less than your standards, and if you don’t know what your standards are, it’s time to start setting and acting on them. Do not hesitate to say no to something that does not match your standards for yourself. You are worth, and owe yourself, more than that.
My second piece of advice is to ditch the Tinder, the Bumble and the New College Sex Web, and start going outside of your comfort zone. What we don’t take stock of here in the New College bubble is that Sarasota is a really cool town that’s filled with a bunch of really attractive folks. Think of where the person you want to meet would hang out, and start frequenting those places. Head to Buddy Brew Coffee, the Reserve or the Overton. Stretch yourself to go off campus and check out events and patronize establishments that you find appealing, because likely you’ll meet someone there that you have a shared interest with—maybe each other!
Be patient, and do not lower your standards for subpar sex with someone you’re not fully interested in. You’re worth more than that. After all, that’s why god invented sex toys and masturbation.