Horoscopes for the 9/12 issue

photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

Rejoice, for it is Virgo season! Hopefully the trademark Virgo characteristic of organization will equate to everyone getting and keeping their shit together as the semester begins.

Aries: You are in the driver’s seat, because that is just who you (probably) are. You are taking initiative, whether it’s with a project, relationship or literally in your car to grab some toilet paper from Wal-Mart. As the day progresses keep in mind, they sell toilet paper at Boars Head and drive safe!

Taurus: You share a sign with my younger brother, Donovan, who is v stubborn but a pretty cool dude all around, so that’s good, uncanny if you were also born in 2002! Like Virgo, Taurus is an earth sign, so be sure to let all of your Virgo friends know that in a way, it is your birthday too. Also, take time to call an out of town friend or relative this week, you (hopefully) will not regret it!

Gemini: I read somewhere that the majority of Nobel Prize winners have a Gemini birthday; a quick fact check suggests that this is accurate according to an Allure article. You have got some serious brains; so back to school should be no sweat for you. However, if it is then do something nice for your self. Facemasks are really cheap at Target and there are some great meditation tracks available on Youtube (this goes for everyone, but especially you Gemini’s!)

Cancer: The red tide is probably hitting you harder than most others, as you tend to be ethereal beings that bask in the glow of sunsets by the bay. It seems to be more rainy than smelly lately, which better suits your moody vibes. If you find yourself splashing around puddles barefoot, be sure to get warm and dry shortly after to avoid getting sick.

Leo: Your birthday passing coincided with getting back to class, so that sucks but keep positive, your life is so full and the fall presents new opportunities and potential. Also do not be too shook if you see that last statement in a fortune cookie, it is pretty generic but I do mean it!

Virgo: Your birthday either just passed or is coming up, maybe its today. Happy birthday! I would say enjoy your season but Florida does not really have those, so be sure to enjoy the air conditioning, Virgos!

Libra: You are too pure for all of the craziness going on in this world these days, but unfortunately not oblivious to it. Keep spreading positivity in your endeavors and set out to change the world where you see fit. We could use more Libras in power, I think but actually have no idea if that is a thing.

Scorpio: First of all, shout out to New College mega-Scorpio Jason D’Amours, if you are reading this, hi Jason! Even though the weather is still humid and rainy, you are gearing up for spooky season. In the best and strangest of ways, you are the Halloween sign, full of mystery and possibility. People are drawn to your no-nonsense nonsense. Sit tight, October and November will be here before we know it.

Sagittarius: I do not know many of Sagittariuses(?) personally but a lot of famous people seem to have a Sagittarius birthday. Keep on shining whether it’s at your part time job or singing into a hairbrush with your scarce time alone in a Pei dorm. Also, Google teacup pigs or unlikely animal friendships if you get bored or just need a study break.

Capricorn:  Another earth sign, so by my very skewed astrology, Virgos cannot have anything all to themselves today, except maybe the chore list. Anyways, happy (not) birthday to you too, I suppose. I hope that you are enjoying the Nat Sci courses that I am going out on a limb to guess that you are taking. Whatever your AOC may be, keep up the great work that you are doubtlessly doing! If this is not your week, then just chip away at what you can manage and try to take it easy where you can.

Aquarius: Keep on with keeping New College weird. Y’all are wild and very generally speaking I love you people so much. Check your planner every now and again to see if there is anything you somehow missed or get a planner for planning and maybe also doodling purposes. The time for scheduling carefully is upon you again but you are brilliant and you got this!

Pisces: You may find yourself getting in over your head, maybe with writing horoscopes despite having zero knowledge regarding planetary positions for your school paper. Whatever it may be, its nothing you cannot handle. Be sure to drink some water and work on your readings for classes in small, rewarding increments.

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